Infertility Survivor

All of these gifts are from our wonderful, so generous friend Dean from Maryland. He is such a amazing, giving person and has been like a brother to me at times. We've been calling him Uncle Dean when we describe him to Trouble. :) He wouldn't let me protest when we started getting all the boxes! We love you Dean -- thank you SO much!

( Loads of pictures )

It's been a while since I uploaded pictures, so here are a LOT of pictures of the gifts we've been given. Plus a 36 week belly picture. I can't tell where I'm much different than the 35 and 34 week pictures, but who knows. :)

I've got an OB appointment on Wednesday at 3:30, where I'll get my GBS test and hopefully it's routine again. Trouble has been moving around well, so I'm not worried about that at all. It's getting close now... 28 days, give or take a few, to go. We have most of the "big" stuff, now really my "needs" pile is down to the breast pump, diaper sprayer, and diaper covers. Not bad!

Since there are SO many pictures, I'll do two posts...

( Loads of pictures )

It's such a silly thing to say "It's NOT Fair," but it's NOT. :(

Two good friends just recently learned they lost babies. Both have had prior miscarriages. Both are in pain and in need of love and prayers. My heart just breaks for both of them, and all I can do is pray for healing for them.

It just reminds me how much I need to be grateful for this blessing I have in my life. Thank God for my Trouble.

*groan* I keep getting reminders that I'm the Adult now, with all the inherent worries and fun things. Not that owning a house or having a job didn't start that process, but tonight we upped our life insurance and added Trouble onto the life insurance policy. Oh my. And our insurance agent reminded us we "really" need to get our will written and done before she comes. Double Oh My.

Someone remind me where I can buy a money tree, because I think we'll need one pretty soon. :)

On a side note, more registry goodies came today, courtesy of our wonderful friend Dean. I am behind on posting pictures, so will try to do those once I get a few urgent things accomplished, like finishing the revisions on this book chapter. Stuff that earns me money comes first, unfortunately!!

Eek -- only 5 weeks left!! Nesting has kicked into high gear, but my body just does not want to keep up with me. I am SO grateful and blessed to be at this point, and cannot believe that there is so little time left. I am taking each opportunity to try and enjoy my pregnancy, not knowing if it will be my only one or not.

It's been a busy weekend. We did another large grocery shopping trip yesterday, and the freezer is about 3/4ths full (it's a full-size freezer) of goodies. I made a quadruple batch of waffles and froze most of them, and worked on my book chapter. Today I woke up early and made pumpkin scones, made a double batch of almond butter cookies (to be baked tomorrow), and then made a healthy lentil-potato-veggie stew for lunch. This afternoon I sewed the first of my two wraps so I can do hand's free breast feeding with Trouble, and worked another couple of hours on the book chapter revisions (due in a week). I also helped Joe with the yardwork. Tonight we cooked broiled fish, balsamic asparagus, and twice-baked potatoes, with a yummy apple/pear bundt cake for dessert (with healthy flax seed in it!). I also made tiny meatballs -- half for the freezer, and half for Joe's poker night on Tuesday (will be for BBQ meatballs).

Did I mention that I did ALL the dishes from the aforementioned cooking/baking? :)

Trouble is moving and kicking around and keeping Mommy company, which I just adore. My skin on my belly feels like it can't possibly grow any more, but I know it will. Really, besides the backache (which is from standing so much) and the insomnia, I'm feeling very good.

( Pictures of goodies and the 35 week belly shot )

Forgot to update yesterday, but another routine OB appointment. Still measuring on time, and Trouble's heartbeat sounds good. It's slower than it was at the beginning, sounds more like a baby heartbeat than a fetal heartbeat! I gained another 5 pounds (in 2 weeks... eep!) but the OB isn't concerned.

I return in 2 weeks, and then start the weekly appointments. Yikes!

Ummm.... we have a crib. OMG.

Daddy put it together. We took loads of pictures. No mattress yet, but it's been ordered. Is it ok that it made me freak out a little more?

It seems so REAL now. I mean, it's felt real before now but this is super-duper-oh-my-goodness-theres-a-baby-coming real.

All the "essentials" are here with the sole exception of diaper covers, and the "really need to get" list is short: dresser, breast pump, and clothing. And if we don't get a small bookcase for all of her books, we'll need to get a side table for putting stuff on top of (e.g., lamp, etc.).

I'll wait to post pictures of the crib until we get the rest of the nursery put together.

For some reason, 34 weeks feels like it's the "safe" zone for me and all the sudden today I realized that in 6-7 weeks, I'll be bringing home a baby. It hit me in the middle of the day, and I started to cry. I can't believe after all the pain, all the struggle, it's almost here. Six more weeks.

I didn't sleep well again last night, so got up early and made cranberry bread for the freezer, bierocks, and a egg/spinach biscuit thing for Joe's breakfast. We did a quick shopping trip and got fabric for my wrap/sling, ribbon to finish some things in her room, and stopped by Target to pick up a few other things, including some more "newborn" sized outfits that were on sale (pictures to come later).

This afternoon I worked on my clinical notes, cleaned the basement, sent out a ton of emails that needed to be done, and started working on moving things around so that the carpet cleaners could get to more areas tomorrow. Hopefully they'll get up all the old pee spots that we missed (or Pepper did recently).

Dishes got done, and we also made meatloaf, mashed sweet potatoes and asparagus for supper. Very tasty! Laundry is almost done, and all the prefolds are folded and in their appropriate places. Now all I need are some covers and we've got a good start!

I'm completely exhausted and overwhelmed at the moment... it feels like there's SO much to do, but really, we have the essentials at the moment. I want to try and remember there are a bunch of people out there that can help us out here and there, so we're not all on our own. It really is a strange thing to think it's so close though!

Ok, enough blogging... onto the pictures.

( Belly pictures and more here )

The day started out with a call from the crematorium, then a delivery of Pepper's ashes and paw prints. We both cried again, but were happy that Pepper was "home" and could be right next to Simba, where she belonged. In the spring, we will scatter her ashes underneath her favorite tree, next to the lilac bushes where she loved to hang out, and we might head up to Mansfield, where she was at her happiest, and scatter some of her ashes there. We both know it's more for us than it is for Pepper, but that's ok.

Then we had to rush off to our childbirth class, which was good. Neither one of us learned anything we didn't already know, but it was nice to get confirmation of what I knew and what I wanted in terms of pain management. I was happy to hear that Riverside Hospital (where we will be delivering) is "hand's off" with medical intervention unless you ask or it is absolutely necessary. It was also VERY strange to be in a room full of pregnant women and realize that I was one of "them." I'm finally able to identify with that role, and it's just so amazing.

We've been busy since we got home. I made from-scratch cupcakes for the freezer (although we did HAVE to sample them first, and they were very good!), and did all the dishes. And I did my first prep-wash of my prefold diapers. They are already getting soft and absorbent! I think at least 3 more washes, and then I'll do a test run to see how much liquid they'll hold. I think I have 26 newborn size, and 26 of the 0-3 month size, and a few larger that came in the sample pack. Then it's off to wash clothing (tomorrow) and possibly the covers that I have.

The crib will come on Monday, and we're also getting some of the carpets cleaned on Monday (the ones that Pepper had her pee accidents on). If I can get my book chapter revised and sent back to the editor, plus all my clients seen on Monday, I'll be very happy about what I've been able to accomplish!

Don't let me neglect to mention some gifts have started coming -- Grandma and Grandpa Lewis sent us a wonderful box of items, as well as our car seat/stroller combo, and Aunt Ann and the cousins (Rick, Abby and Mike) sent our pack-n-play. Aunt Dianne and Cousin Debbie sent our high chair (how fun!). We are SO excited to start getting things, thank you all!

Pictures tomorrow.... stay tuned!

After a week of pampering (as best we could, since she was not a social kitty), we took Pepper in today. The staff was so very compassionate, and again, for the first time in a long time, Pepper appeared to finally be at peace and no longer suffering.

We got her as a wedding gift to ourselves in October of 1998. She was a hyperactive, wild kitty, but loving nonetheless. At some point after her fixing, her personality changed and she became more anxious. The last three years have been rough, with numerous kidney issues and bladder infections.

After losing Simba, her best pal, she got worse. Last week the vet diagnosed her with chronic renal failure and two gravely infected teeth. We knew it would be torture to try and put her through dental surgery, and she didn't have the strength to fight the renal failure, so we sent her home to the Rainbow Bridge to be with Simba, as the strong, wild kitten she once was, to drink tuna, eat grass, and claw a big tree until we get there.

We miss you Pepper... and we hope you understand that we loved you the best way we could.

( Pictures of Pepper )

We've cried a lot over the last week, and cried with her today before she left us. It's been so hard on both Joe and I to lose two kitties in a month... our household has gone from 4 kitties to 2. It will be a difficult adjustment to make, but again, we both feel like Pepper and Simba were telling us that now they know we have Trouble, they knew we would be ok and it was time for them to leave us. It doesn't make the pain any less, but it makes our loss more bearable.

This is going to be another super-heavy picture post, so enjoy!! These are the rest of the clothing items that my Mom sent through the mail the other day, and although she and I aren't 100% sure of the origin of some of them, we know a few.

I have some very adorable spoons and forks that Mom sent me, as well as Grandma Lewis, so I'll save those for the next post.

( Some wonderful things! )

Just a quick post tonight as I didn't get enough time to do everything I wanted today, but we've hit 33 weeks and I'm feeling very good. Other than the insomnia and heartburn, which have been manageable (and I'm actually loving because it means I'm pregnant). I still just absolutely adore being pregnant.

The freezer is filling up -- today we made a large batch of waffles, and then I made four mini-loaves of pumpkin bread. Next weekend's plan is to spend Sunday doing bierochs, because Saturday we'll be in the childbirth class all day. Hopefully I'll also get a casserole or two made and frozen Saturday night.

I ordered my first batch of pre-folds (two dozen of two sizes) so am anxiously awaiting those so I can start prepping them and getting them ready. We also ordered the crib today because that will take the longest to get here and then Joe gets to put it together. The room will start looking like a nursery soon, I'm sure.

So much to do... and only 7 weeks to go. Amazing!

( A few pictures for your viewing pleasure... )

This is a mixed emotion post, but it turns out that we're going through the same thing right now with our Pepper cat that we did a month ago with Simba. She peed on the step the other day, and then leaked all over herself, which is not normal for her. We took her to the vet on Tuesday, and it turns out that she has red blood cells in her urine, as well as differently-shaped and unusual kidneys, which is a sign of chronic renal failure.

We've known she has had kidney issues for a while, and she's been on medication for several years for her bladder (and subsequent anxiety) problems. She's really never been a happy cat, to be honest, but we've tried to be there for her and love her all the same. There have been several times we thought it was her time, but she bounced back.

However, on top of this, she has two infected teeth that are likely causing her some significant pain, so now she's on pain medication. Unfortunately, as much as we love her, we know that when Trouble comes, this is going to trigger some of her negative behaviors and likely cause more kidney difficulties. And Pepper did NOT handle Simba's death very well -- she felt like Simba was the only cat in the household who she could get along with, and since Simba is gone, she's been hiding more and acting more irritable.

So after much talking, crying and debating, we've made the ever-so-hard decision that it's time. She never compensated as well as Simba, and she's been so unhappy for a while. Plus, now that she's in pain (and we know she wouldn't do well with the anesthetic for the tooth surgery), we're at a decision point. We're going to take one more week to make her life as happy as we can, and then let her go.

This is the gift that Simba has unexpectedly given us.

We couldn't do it "right" with Simba, because there was no time, and neither Joe and I have had to make this decision before now. We did the best we could, but we didn't do what we hoped. Now, we have time and experience, and we feel we can give Pepper the best week of her entire life. Simba gave us the knowledge and understanding that we needed to do this for Pepper.

So it's a week of going outdoors and eating grass (twice already today), eating tuna juice and soft food whenever she wants, and giving her love when she asks for it. She's not the cuddly attention-seeking cat Simba is, but we will do what she asks for when she asks for it. She'll have the pain medication through until the last day, so she won't be miserable.

And then she can meet Simba at the Rainbow Bridge and they can hang out together like they used to, until we can be with them.

Ummm.... 6 pounds in 2 weeks. Oops. Joe and I blamed the dumpling soup that we made last weekend (that happened to also have cream, bacon and other goodies in it). I'm still only up 23 pounds for the entire pregnancy, which the OB is happy about.

Blood pressure was fine, and Trouble is measuring right on time. It turns out that the OB only gets another ultrasound at this point if there's a problem, so we likely won't see our little girl again until she comes out. Very scary to just trust that things are ok, but I'm trying to do that exact thing!

Another appointment in two weeks, then two weeks after that (day before Thanksgiving), and then we move to weekly appointments. Nov. 7th is our all-day birth class. Lots of things coming up!

Joe and I went out on Sunday when the weather was so nice and took some pictures. Quite a few of the gorgeous fall leaves were already on the ground (thanks to the wind and rain) but we did get some pictures that I just absolutely love! I decided to wear one of his shirts, so it looks huge on me but worked for the effect that I wanted.

The pictures are huge, but I'll hide them behind the cut here. I hope to get a couple printed out on actual photo paper to send to my parents and the in-laws!

( More pictures! )

Finally catching up on my picture uploading and cropping! Here is the wonderful package from Aunt Ann and Cousin Abby. The clothing is grouped by size, although I cannot remember which size is which picture at the moment. It all is super-duper adorable!

I am so blessed... everyone has been so generous to us, and we are so appreciative of all the love, support and gifts that everyone has given us. I am looking forward to Trouble being here so I can take a million pictures of her in her wonderful little outfits!

( Picture-heavy )

What a day. Or rather, should I say, what a weekend! It was busy, busy, busy. We did laundry, more baking and cooking for freezer meals, washed a million dishes, and today went out to take "formal" belly pictures (to be posted at a later time). I graded 30 papers tonight and responded to 10 student emails. AND I also made the curtains for Trouble's room yesterday and finished them up this morning -- I'm quite proud of my efforts!

( Pictures here! )

I have the pictures of the clothing from package #1 downloaded, just need to edit and upload them to photobucket. That'll be my project tomorrow, as well as taking pictures from the box my Mom sent. Plus getting stamps so I can send out my thank-you cards!

In the last week, we've received two wonderful packages. The first one came from Joe's sister, who is so super-sweet and packed it full of the most amazing clothes! I've got pictures, but just need to upload them.

The second package arrived today from my Mom, who had filled it with MY baby clothes and a maternity top that she had worn when she was pregnant with me. That brought me to tears -- some of the things are so tiny and so adorable, and I can't believe at one time I was that small (and probably adorable too, right Mom?). :) I need to take pictures and will post those this weekend.

Oh -- and the baby shower website is up with all the links for our registry, again thanks to Joe's sister and niece! I don't want to "solicit" gifts, but I know some of you had asked about it, so let me know if you want the link. :)

This weekend's plan: Making curtains, hanging some things on her wall, and grading papers (non-baby but still has to be done!).

There is a ticker on my "User Info" page, but now that I'm getting closer, I wanted to put one here on my main page that I can bookmark and go back to later.



I'm still amazed that I'm over 30 weeks along. Just amazed at this little girl and what she's done to transform our lives even before she comes out.

Just a short post tonight, but we've had a fairly good weekend. I've started to bake and make things to freeze so we don't have to cook when Trouble gets here, and today we painted her room. I love the new color, and will post pictures of that later. It took us longer than I thought, mostly because the paint was SO thick.

We're still missing Simba, but it is getting a little easier over time. She would have been so interested in helping us tonight, especially when Joe shut the door to Trouble's room.

Anyway, here are the ( 31 week belly pictures! )

We also helped a friend for a few hours this morning/early afternoon paint her kitchen, and when it was all done, she showed me how to find Trouble's different body parts. I now know how to feel where her head, back and butt are! Very, very, very neat. Thanks so much neims16! :) You are too cool. :)